Goodbye, Sweetie
by Mage-Yewoqirife
Summary: Part of him knew that even if he could go back after taking her to see the Singing Towers he never would. Trenzalore was the beginning of a very long and drawn out goodbye and now the Doctor is faced with saying it for real. How will he say it?
1. Remember

**Summary: The Doctor never does like endings which is why he has yet to say goodbye to River Song after leaving her in the library. He could spend the rest of his life traveling back in time to visit her and they never had to stop meeting. Of course, he knows this is wishful thinking because she told him the last time that she saw him. Part of him knew that even if he could go back after taking her to see the Singing Towers he never would. She follows him. Sometimes he can hear her voice when fiddling with the TARDIS controls or feel a brush along his arms. Every now and then something moves in the corners of his eye, but when he turns all he can see is his TARDIS herself. Trenzalore was the beginning of a very long and drawn out goodbye and now the Doctor is faced with saying it for real. How will he say it?**

**A/N: It is clear in the series that the Doctor has not yet said his goodbyes at the Singing Towers. He is so afraid to make that ending and River knows it. This is the story of the ending. It will be as canon as possible (please tell me if I mess up something canon because I'm obsessed with not changing a story line), but we will also be seeing a younger River Song. There will be multiple adventures that have yet to be spoken of and there will be romance involved. Ultimately, this story will end at the Singing Towers where we see their final Goodbye. My goal is to finish this story BEFORE the 50th anniversary because things might change and I have a hard time finishing things when I know they aren't canon. Hopefully we will get through the story in the next few weeks. Next chapter will be the end of "The Name of the Doctor" and three on will be strictly original until the towers. Also, feel free to review any times/places you would like them to visit. I only have three journeys so far and would like a few more.**

"Trenzalore. I've heard the name, of course. Dorium mentioned it. A few others. Always suspected what it was, never wanted to find out myself." The Doctor lifts his sonic screwdriver and scans the wires and pipes to find the one he needs. "River would know, though. River always knew." As he speaks, he pulls down a thick black wire and beckons Clara closer.

"Right, come here. Give me your hand. Now, the coordinates you saw will still be in your memory. I'm linking you into the TARDIS telepathic circuit. Won't hurt a bit." One quick prick later, the TARDIS quickly uploads the necessary information and he looks up with no trace of his normal, carefree self in the lines of his face.  
Clara jumps slightly at the pain in her hand, crying out in discomfort and the Doctor once again reminds her of rule number one.

"I lied." Quickly reconnecting the wiring, the Doctor remains silent.

"Okay, what is Trenzalore? Is that your big secret?"

"No."

"Okay, what then?" It is an innocent question, but the answer scares him more than he cares to admit. It is the one thing that is drilled into every Time Lord from the very beginning. The single most important rule to all time travelers.

"When you are a time traveler, there is one place you must never go. One place in all of space and time you must never, ever find yourself." His words are slow and measured with more intensity than she had ever heard him speak with. It baffles her because she still doesn't understand where they are heading.

"Where?"

The Doctor's brow wrinkles in frustration and he taps her temple lightly trying to make her think. "You didn't listen, did you? You lot never do. That's the problem. 'The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered.' He wasn't talking about my secret. No, no, no, that's not what's been found. He was talking about my… grave." Of course he has an idea of what could be found there and it terrifies him. The Doctor has to pause for a moment, letting the idea sink in before she can know the full truth of what is before them. "Trenzalore is where I'm buried."

Walking away, the Doctor notices a shimmer of movement several feet behind Clara, but he pushes it to the back of his mind not able to deal with two different emotions of such strength. It is impossible. Now the movement is gone, but still he looks over his shoulder as he climbs the stairs to the upper levels both hoping to not see her again and wishing she would come back.

"How can you have a grave?" It should be obvious, but he explained nonetheless needing to keep talking to distract himself from what was to come.  
"Because we all do, somewhere out there in the future, waiting for us." The coordinates are fully uploaded and the Doctor presses a few buttons and flips a switch to lock the TARDIS on course. "The trouble with time travel, you can actually end up visiting."

The TARDIS didn't want to bring them her and the Doctor is uneasy as he looks around the planet he is to one day be buried. Clara asks about the gravestone and each one weighed down on him. The Doctor avoids reading at the names not wanting to know what could cause this amount of destruction. Instead he looks over at Clara and again sees someone out of the corner of his eye. The grief is too much. Tearing his gaze away, he looks forward and observes the TARDIS with a tightening in his chest. She was always with him from the very beginning and even now when he is no more, the TARDIS stands with him.

"It's a hell of a monument."

"It's the TARDIS."

"I can see that." No, she can not see it. Who besides himself could understand the loyalty and devotion the TARDIS had shown him in almost 1,300 years? She was his constant companion and without thinking, the Doctor finds himself explaining the complexities of her. It isn't as if Clara needs to know, but more that he needs to acknowledge her out loud.

"No. When a TARDIS is dying, sometimes the dimension dams start breaking down. They used to call it a size leak. All the bigger on the inside starts leaking to the outside. It grows. When I say that's the TARDIS, I don't mean it looks like the TARDIS, I mean it actually is the TARDIS. My TARDIS from the future." With a deep sigh, the Doctor moves on faced with the morbidity of his current situation. The one person he needed to see more than anyone else, but could never approach is following them and he can not face her now. He is not ready for that conversation. "What else would they bury me in?"

Realizing that Clara is not following, the Doctor turns back and his hearts both stop for a split second as he sees a ghost. There is no solid form, but there is no mistaking who that presence is even from this distance.

"Well, come on, then."

"Who are you talking to?" It was an unintentional slip because Clara hadn't been speaking, but he was impatient to do what needs to be done and leave this planet. "We need to get –" Freezing, the Doctor stares past the whispering form of his wife's existence and his face falls in despair. "River." Her presence was always reminding him of his first failure, but seeing solid evidence – seeing a gravestone with her name on it – hurts more than he could have ever expected. It is the only name he let himself read since arriving and it stands out with her forcing herself to the forefront of his mind. How can he not notice with her standing with them? Fingers trace her name lightly, caressing them in the gentlest of touches.

"That can't be right."

"No, it can't."

"She's not dead." The Doctor still speaks as if she is still alive because she is always with him. No matter where he goes and what he does River will never leave him, but there is one fact that he can never let himself forget:

"Oh, she's dead, I'm afraid. She's been dead for a very long time."

Whispered words are spoken, but they are not meant for him. The Doctor can feel a twinge of sarcasm and fights the urge to turn around and face River.

"But I met her." His gaze shifts back before he can stop himself more than aware that they had met and knowing River could hear every word of this conversation.

"Long story. But her grave can't be here." His mind is lost temporarily in memories and flashes of their past together. He is always pushing back their meetings because he knew that soon he will never see her again and he isn't ready for this goodbye. How can he say it?

The only thing that can call him back is his own name cried in fear. The Doctor spins on his heel intentionally avoiding looking where he could feel River's presence. He lifts his screwdriver and it does not affect the strange men. Tapping it lightly changes nothing nor does blowing on the circuits to refresh the system's energy. The Doctor's mind races attempting to imagine a way of fighting the unknown men all the while distracted by the two presences behind him.

Soft whispers overlap the riddle from the Whisper men and he feels a sense of déjà vu when Clara asks him, "What do you think that gravestone really is?" Déjà vu is only for when something repeats itself so why is he feeling it now? Distracted, the Doctor replies with a question of his own not understanding why River's grave holds any importance to Clara.

"The gravestone?"

More whispers as the men move closer. "Maybe it's a false grave." More déjà vu.

Why is she still talking about the grave?! "Yeah, maybe."

More whispers from behind him. "Maybe it's a secret entrance to the tomb!"

The Doctor hits himself in the forehead with the screwdriver not sure what he never thought of that. "Yes, of course. Makes sense. They'd never bury my wife out here."

"Your what?"

Twirling on the spot, the Doctor sees the shadow of River's presence but does not pause to focus on her before sonicing the gravestone and opening a trapdoor.

**Please review. It makes my muse happy.**


	2. Run

**A/N: Okay, I lied. There will be one more chapter of the "The Name of the Doctor" Because this chapter is already over 2k words and I prefer to keep them between 1,500 and 2,00. If you haven't already figured this out: this story is following the Doctor's perspective. Anything he doesn't see will not be written and I will probably gloss over all scenes not relevant to the story such as Doctor/Clara moments and the mental scene. Everything is very focused on River and his goodbye to her. **

Down, down, down they fall. The slide continues for a ways in complete darkness, but after a few minutes, the flickering glow of flames began to dance in the distance. With little grace, Clara and the Doctor land in a dirty patch and scramble to their feet to look around. The Doctor immediately pulls out his screwdriver and scans for signs of life, but of course their are none. They are surrounded by the dead and one particular presence is still haunting him. River's presence is more solid than it has been since they first arrived on Trenzalor. Her eyes follow him and the Doctor does everything he can to avoid her gaze not wanting to feel that pang of regret and heartbreak that just grows stronger with each time he see's her.

The time lord brushes the dirt of his clothes and fidgets with his bowtie before heading off in a direction that was anything but random. Torches line the walls and he quickly grabs one to use against the darkness. Clara follows, as always full of questions. Taking a turn to the right, they continue down a small set of stairs and make their way to his tomb.

"Where are we?"

Shouldn't it be obvious? Cobwebs and the stench of death surround them both as they journey through the tunnels. "Catacombs."

"I hate catacombs. So how come I met your dead wife?" Straight to the point as always, the Doctor feels his heart stumble on the forward question.

"Oh well, you know how it is when you lose someone close to you. I sort of made a back-up." Pressing forward, the Doctor fights the urge to look back, not wanting to see her following them. There is a whispering of an all too familiar voice in his ears and while he can't quite understand what she is saying, he feels a deep and pressing sadness fill his hearts. Suddenly the singular whisper turns to many and the Whisper Men appear right on their tails.

The Doctor whirls around and quickly grabs Clara's hand to yank her out of harms way.

"Clara, come on! Run, run!"

And they begin to run.

Each time they round a corner the Doctor looks back, but the Whisper Men are always just a step behind. They run through tombs and up stairs. They run in circles and never seemed to be getting any further away. At last they stumble across a large archway and they pass through, and the Doctor shouts in realization.

"Come on, quickly, we're in."

Just as they enter the archway, he turns and notices the open steel door, but a hand grasps Clara's arm firmly so both are pulled back.

"Doctor!"

"Clara!"

Tugging with all of his strength the Doctor scrambles to free her. It only takes a second for him to break the grip of the Whisper Man and slam the door shut. Unfortunately, it does not work as well as he planned because a black, gloved hand is shut in the door still twitching. Their fortune takes a turn for the better when it is promptly retrieved and the door clicks shut.

Filled with a rush of relief, the Doctor pauses to catch his breath as Clara watches him with wide eyes. Her adrenaline is still racing from the close call, but both know that they have to keep moving.

"Yowzah."

For the first time, they have a chance to glance around and see where they are. The room is metallic and a dawning realization fills the Doctor. They made it to the TARDIS and she hums lightly in recognition of his arrival. The torch proves no longer necessary as artificial light can show them the way. The are near the Holding Ring, but there is no time to be sentimental.

Despite the distance they had come so far, there is still a ways to go. "Still a bit of a climb. I think I remember the way. Clara? Clara." The Doctor turns to see her leaning heavily against the wall and returns, wrapping his arm around her shoulder to help support her weight.

"Hey, it's okay. You're fine. The dimensioning forces this deep in the TARDIS, they can make you a bit giddy."

"I know, I know." Clara pulls away roughly and stares at him with obvious confusion and fear shining in her eyes. "How do I know? How do I know that?"

There isn't time for this discussion, so the Doctor tries to brush it off. "Clara, it's okay. You're fine."

Not to be distracted, she continues the never ending questions. "Have we, have we done this before? We have. We have done this before. Climbing through a wrecked Tardis." She pauses and recognition flashes across her features. "You said things, things I'm not supposed to remember."

The last time he traveled with her floats across his mind, but he pushes them back knowing they need to concentrate.

"We can't do this now. The Tardis is a ruin. The telepathic circuits are awakening memories you shouldn't even have." This is bad. This is very, very bad. Clara can't remember. It will mess everything up. Her focus slips and the Doctor calls her name trying to bring her back to the present.

"Clara. Clara? Clara, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean, you keep meeting me? You said I died. How could I die?" More questions and they were not even questions that he can answer. Clara shouldn't even remember them! She stares into the holding cell, not really seeing anything and gripping the bars to hold herself upright.

"That is not a conversation you should even remember." The Doctor feels like a broken repeating the same thing over and over again with a question whose answer he did not know. In frustration, she turns and raises her voice.

"What do you mean I died?" The Whisper Men are catching up and really there isn't enough time to explain her in-explainable situation because even he had no idea why she kept appearing!

"The girl who died he tried to save. She'll die again inside his grave." As the voices echo around the chamber, the Doctor glances around trying to figure out where the Whisper Men are coming from. They are not behind them, they are not in front of him. All he knows is they need to keep running because he is definitely not going to let her die again.

"Run. Run!"

The Doctor leads them with renewed energy, knowing he is close to where they need to run. There is another way to get out. They ran and ran, twisting and turning through the tunnels. The wardrobe was left far behind them and a strange door appeared that the Doctor had never seen. Perhaps the TARDIS was helping them. Eagerly, he pulled the door open and the cool air of the planet's atmosphere rushed over them. The TARDIS made an exit for them; she was still with him even after his death.

The Doctor turns to secure the door, but as soon as it snaps shut it vanishes. Apparently, the exit is one way only. Whispering continues and it seems as if they are being herded, but really there is nothing else to do except keep moving. Around the box they run, ducking around gravestones, crossing over tombs until they turned the corner and see the face of the TARDIS herself. A small crowd of people consisting of both friends and foes are gathered around the door and he knew they are waiting on him. An all too familiar voice speaks and the Doctor knows who is facing the doors apart from the crowd before Simeon even turns to confront him.

"The doors require a key. The key is a word. And the word is the Doctor's."

"Here I am, late to my own funeral. Glad you could make it. Jenny." While speaking, the Doctor takes his positions between his companions and the Great Intelligence who threatens them all. A small nod of acknowledgement is all he shares with Jenny in greeting. He had already made the decision to not answer the question long ago when he was first told the prophecy: He will not say his name.

"Open the door, Doctor. Speak, and open your tomb."

"No." It will not be so simple and there is a firm resolve in the Doctor's tone. It will not happen.

"Because you know what's in there?"

That is precisely the reason why it is not a good idea. "I will not open those doors."

"The key is a word lost to time." The Doctor knows all of this and it will not change anything. "A secret hidden in the deepest shadow and known to you alone. The answer to a question." The Doctor steps forward and stops only when he is face to face with the man before him.

"I will not open my tomb." A touch of anger laces his voice as the Doctor reveals his frustration. What is it with people making him repeat himself over and over again today?

"Doctor, what is your name?" Simeon is unaffected by the show and his hand reaches up to grasp the Doctor's chin in order to lift his head and bring them nose to nose. It only takes a second for the time lord to reach by grasping the phantom's wrist firmly in an act of defiance, lifting his head all the higher. Seeing that he is getting no where, Simeon raises the stakes and gives a firm command. "The Doctor's friends. Stop their hearts." The Great Intelligence's fist closes firmly on itself in an actions that could seem as if he personally is squeezing the last beat out of each of his companion's hearts and the Doctor feels a rush of rage.

Straxs begins attempting to battle. Jenny is reasonable as always, but fear is obvious in her voice. Clara calls out his name. All the while, the Whisper Men close in, hissing lightly.

"Stop this. Leave them alone." The Doctor's companions are always a sore spot for him and unfortunately Simeon had chosen the only thing that could possibly cause him to doubt.

"Your name, Doctor. Answer me." No. His name is the most terrible thing and never could he trust anyone with it. He hadn't even told River yet in his timeline and yet he knew he would.

"Doctor?" Clara's voice stands out above the whispers and he glances out of the corner of his eye to see her backing away waiting for him to have a clever idea.

"Doctor who?"

Strax is under attack, Clara is cornered. Jenny and Vastra are at a loss of what to do.

"Please, stop it."

"Doctor who?"

"Unhand me, sir. Argh." Always the Sontaran, simply giving a command and expecting it to be obeyed. Strax had no means of fighting and the Doctor resorts to the same thing: commanding an enemy he knew would not listen.

"Leave him alone. Let him be."

"Don't worry, sir. I think I've got him rattled." _Of course you do, potato head!_ It seems impossible. There are no weapons, threats are all empty, the Doctor has no idea how to stop the Whisper Men except to do the impossible: speak his name and open his tomb. He can not.

His hearts beat a crazy rhythm at twice their normal speed, but the Doctor does his best to hold his ground. When Clara calls out his name, he cracks.

"Doctor who?"

"Please!"

The word hardly leaves his mouth before there is a shifting behind them and the door creaks open letting a bright streaming light cover them all. All around him, his companions are released, but the Doctor stares at the doors not realizing why they opened until he hears an all too familiar voice. This time he can understand her.

"The Tardis can still hear me. Lucky thing, since him indoors is being so useless." River's form steps right in front of him, bathed in the light of the TARDIS and she has a small smile growing across her lips.

Behind him, Strax complains about the doors opening as if it was a surrender. "Why did you open the door, sir? I had them on the run."

"I didn't do it. I didn't say my name." He knew who did, but he can not say it out loud. River is always there; always in the corner of his mind. When he does something silly he can hear her sarcasm or see her laugh and roll her eyes. She follows him when ever and where ever he goes, but never before has she appeared so clearly. This time is different. This time the TARDIS hears her too.

"No, but I did." There is a note of pride in her voice that she could save the day and still keep his deepest and darkest secret. The Doctor stands there with his mouth slightly open not quite sure how to reach or if he should even acknowledge that she is really there, standing in front of them all. It wasn't until a beat later that a new question forms in his mind: Why is no one else reacting to the newcomer in the group?

He realizes no one can see her and forces himself to look away. It would hurt too much to speak with her and explain to the others what is going on. It is better to just pretend like she isn't there.

"Is everyone all right? Is everyone okay?" Vastra and Jenny cling to one another so the Doctor moves on. "Clara? Clara? Clara, are you okay?" She is not going to die for him today. Not if he has anything to say about it!

"That was not nice." Pulling her into his chest, the Doctor embraces her wanting nothing more than to keep her safe and protect her from the oncoming battle.

"I know. I'm sorry." The Doctor stood and once again placed himself between his companions and his opponent. "Now then, Doctor Simeon, or Mister G Intelligence, whatever I call you, do you know what's in there?"

"For me, peace at last. For you, pain everlasting. Won't you invite us in?"

The question is only a disguised command and there is no other option. Looking away with a sigh, the Doctor realizes he must face this and take whatever consequences that are to come. With a new resolve, he strides forward with his head held high and forces the door open not looking back at those he know will follow.  
(The Doctor forces the doors further open.)

**If you have a minute, please review. Let me know what you think and what you would like to see in future chapters. I cannot promise that I will include ever idea, but I will try to include some more because I have about 3 of my own so far and would like a bit more.**


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